


Feeling 22, Acting 17

by manney



Series: The Closest Thing to Crazy [1]
Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: F/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manney/pseuds/manney
Summary: a few month after Malibu Ben still wished Devi would have felt the same for him. but she choose Paxton - and he has to accept that.Its more a complex character study; wired teenage-boys feelings, stupid decisions and an attempt to redeem Shira - just a little bit.(Song by Katie Melua - The Closest Thing To Crazy)
Relationships: Ben Gross & Devi Vishwakumar, Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar, Paxton Hall-Yoshida/Devi Vishwakumar
Series: The Closest Thing to Crazy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793389
Comments: 13
Kudos: 35





	Feeling 22, Acting 17

**Author's Note:**

> bear with me here: this is my first fic in english i will be posting, and even though you think this story is really packed with Devis obsession with Paxton, it still should be a Ben x Devi fic. At least i feel it that way. Hope you enjoy.  
> lg  
> manney

**Feeling 22, Acting 17**

“Can’t I stay here for summer break?”

Devi was venting, again.

About her mom, how life was unfair, how she would miss out on her (first! last? _only_ ) summer with Paxton. And all Ben could think about was how happy she’d been months earlier when Nalini Vishwakumar made a compromise for her daughter: not moving to India permanently but staying there the whole summer and every holiday till college. She was even renting out her office for that time!

Devi was screaming “yes” and “thank you, mom” more than one hundred times (not really, but Bens head was replaying this scene at least hundred times a day, because it was a really long, long time since he saw his sworn enemy/ friend/ _something_ really happy for the first time in forever), hugging her mom and promising to be less complicated and going on vacation with her every opportunity they got.

So, Dr. Vishwakumar made amends by dispensing her dream to go back to India for Devis happiness and her mental well being.

Ben didn’t know her mom very well – but he did know that it had to take her a lot of willpower. And even when he was slightly pissed at her parenting skills the week before, when Devi stayed at his house, _he_ forgave Dr. Vishwakumar pretty easily when he saw Devis smile widen, her eyes shining bright with happy tears and a little jump in her walk.

She was truly, truly happy that day, even though she joked about missing the air conditioner in his house, the dishwasher and Patti.

He sarcastically joked (he didn’t) he would miss living with her, too.

“But you promised you would go to India with her. She made a huge effort to negotiate a compromise. So shouldn’t you be more… I don’t know?, _grateful_ you just have to be in India for one fourth a year instead of _forever_?”

It was the wrong thing to say to her; he knew this the instant these words left his stupid, pragmatic mouth, she would be mad at him.

What he didn’t expect was, that she would be mean to him: “And that’s why _we_ think you are an authority butt kisser. On which side are you even on, Ben?”

There she was, standing in his cool kitchen, with crossed arms over her chest and wanted an honest (or not so honest) conversation about what she could do to not go to India and stay _here_ for summer break. And all he could think about was that living with Devi again while still dating Paxton would be painful as hell.

He had to tell her, to stay elsewhere eventually (or an even better option: convince her to go to India for summer break).

Even when he was a fine, good looser and accepted her apology for dating Paxton after they kissed in his fathers car rather gentlemanlike, he wasn’t a masochist.

Because even though he told her (and acted at least towards her like) everything was fine, it was just a kiss (no, even after seven and a half month later, it sill wasn’t just _a_ kiss) and that Paxton was everything she ever wanted, it damn hurt.

He liked Devi.

He liked her a lot and that she kissed him, even after rejecting him two times beforehand, meant something to him.

 _She_ meant something to him.

More than enemy bickering, more than Model UN acquaintance, more than housemates.

But she didn’t feel the same, and hurtful that it was, he had to accept it that she was in a really, really contented relationship with Paxton Hall-Yoshida.

He wanted to hate this guy.

For being ripped and popular and everything Ben sometimes wished he was, and for capturing Devis heart so effortlessly and she giving it to him so willingly.

He really did wish he could hate Devis boyfriend.

But Paxton was a nice guy.

He made her happy, he made her smile and treated her like the nerd princess she was. When she made a fool of herself on some party or other – again – he would be on her side or smirk or made a grand gesture to show her, that he was loyal to her, because he cared about her – deeply.

Everyone could see it: they were in love.

In weak moments Ben was so jealous he wanted to punch Paxton in his symmetrical face. And in the familiar darkness of his room, right before he fell asleep, he wished he never had tasted Devi Vishwakumars lips in the first place.

He had shared thousand of kisses with Shira, way more inappropriate than what was good for fifteen and sixteen year old high school teenagers, but there was always something missing.

The dried grape that was his heart was fluttering intensely in his chest as this bright, smart, messy, hot tempered girl, with her long ass lashes, her witty comebacks and silk like hair kissed him. Just a peck, just a thank you, just… a small hope, that he wasn’t _not_ an option.

That she deep down, maybe, probably liked him, too.

So he kissed her again, because his heart had become liquid vine and was rushing through his entire body, showing her, what she could mean, what she _meant_ , to him.

The craziness of hearing blood pumping through his ears, his breathlessness even though they took it slow; the damn spark that went down his groin, when her cheeky tongue touched his would be forever in his mind. Not even his first time with a total stranger on march break compared to this perfect minute in which he just _felt_.

But deep down, maybe, probably she did not like him like that. Because three days later she got together with Paxton.

“I am on no ones side”, he said like an old, wise dad, ignoring the sting, that even she still thought that he was a butt kisser. He wasn’t one (most of the time), just a very mature teenager (usually).

“I just think that you should not compromise your fragile relationship with your mother, after you _promised_ her to go to India with her.”

“But I already was there on march break”, Devi stomped her foot, like a child, crooked her head and wanted support, not a reasonable explanation why it was a bad idea to affront her mother, after their fights have died down over the last months.

If she wanted friendly advice she would need to go to Elenore.

Ben was betting that Fabiola would – just like him – give her sensible advice. And strangle her.

Yeah, definitely strangle her, till Devis brain would appreciate what she already had:

A nice and caring boyfriend.

A strict but loving mother.

Not one but two best friends who would always be there for her, no matter what shit show she pulled next.

And Ben.

Instead of arguing with her, he sipped his ice cold tea-like fruit beverage and gave her a knowing smile over the rim of his drink glass.

She growled: “Do not patronize me.”

His smile broadened even more: “You won’t get out of your agreement Devi. Your just like Persephone. So be a good _spring_ or _summer_ and go to _hell_ _a India_ , because you know how much it would hurt your mother, if you don’t!”

It was something she didn’t wanna hear, and cringed as his words were converted in informations.

She cried disdainfully: “Beeen!”

He hated it, when she was screeching his name like a famous Youtuber called her boyfriend, because it a) made his ears ring and b) reminded him achingly that he wasn’t her boyfriend.

“Why do you have to make me feel so guilty! I know my mom would be sad-”

“And furious”, he added without permission to interrupt her.

“But I really can’t go the _whole_ summer. It wouldn’t be fair. I have a life, you know. And friends who would miss me. And...”, she was leaning over the counter, her face buried in her hands, couldn’t believe herself that she was speaking out loud her next words: “And what’s with Paxton. He-”

“Is a nice guy who wouldn’t do anything that hurt you, Devi.”

Yeah, it hurt to tell her that, but it still was true, so maybe she just needed a reminder, that everything would be fine, as long as _she_ didn’t do stupid things.

“But… You don’t understand it, Ben”, she was nervous, he could see that. So she didn’t tell him the whole story, why she did not want to go to India anymore.

She stood up straight, turned around once, twice, trice, gestured wildly with her hands and groaned resignedly: “Boys need certain things, Ben!”

He was slow this time, thought of cars, money and supermodels before his eyes went huge:

“NO! Nonononono! I don’t want to talk or know about anything you do with Paxton _horizontally_. Gross, Devi!”

“But I don’t have anyone I can talk about this. Fabiola is quite disgusted by everything boys related, Elenor is not as nefarious as we other teenagers… and… you are _a_ boy. So tell me, honestly, would you still be faithful to your girlfriend, even if she was away for three month and you have… _needs_!”

He hated his life. And he wished he had it in him to hate Devi  as well .

“I don’t have a girlfriend anymore, so-”, Ben was willing to drop this topic this instant.

“Yeah, but hypothetically speaking. If Shira would have been the best girlfriend you could wish for, if you were happy together would you still be willing to wait on _things_ for three fucking months, even though you got this _thing_ a few times before with Shira?”

He really didn’t have to know that Devi and Paxton already had sex with each other.

But here he was, confronted with the girl he liked who was begging him for relationship advice.

Wanted a place to stay if she really didn’t go to India with her mom.

And still didn’t know how badly she hurt him with every word she spoke.

He could have told her the truth, that he never slept with Shira  but lost his virginity to a blonde girl, he would never see again in Vermont . Yes,  Shira was superficial, average educated and needed a whole lot of attention but she actually knew what was important. Because she was stoping their make out session right before… well they were sleeping together  and told him, that she wanted someone special for her first time.

He was angry, and loud and he called her names she  _didn’t_ deserve and for the first time ever in the span of knowing her she shed tears and left without her phone  (h e apologized the same evening  and discovered that he rather wanted to be her friend instead of insta-boyfriend ).

It was really bad karma, that of all the people Devi knew, she asked him for advice to deal with Paxtons _need_ if she was in India. Because Ben himself was a “disgusting hormonal teenage… toad” (Shira had called him that, and he had to admit she was quite (SO!) right) who almost pressured his girlfriend to have sex with him.

Ben wasn’t a nice guy.

Unlike Paxton.

Ugh.

So, what could  _he_ possibly tell this  beautiful girl right in front of him?

She most likely only wanted reassurance that everything would be fine between her and Paxton, even when they would be apart for three long month s .

He wished, hoped, begged to every god available right now that his words sounded sincere: “ _Trust_ _him_ , that he won’t be an ass.”

Ben didn’t think that he deserved it, but she hugged him tight.


End file.
